


It's Complicated

by hello_nina



Category: Taynew
Genre: Angst, BL, Best Friends, Blowjobs, Boyfriends, Cheating, Cuddling, Developing Relationship, Drama, Fights, Fluff, Hickeys, Jealousy, M/M, Making Out, Running Away, Sex, Teasing, bxb - Freeform, dominant tay, it's complicated - Freeform, newwiee is kind of submissive, newwiee is worried, tay is in love, taynew being taynew, unfaithful, you don't need to be familiar with taynew to understand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-06 09:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17937107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hello_nina/pseuds/hello_nina
Summary: TayNew have been fooling around and acting as a couple but never making it official. New realizes their friendship is turning into something serious and panics. Cue: light drama, light fluff, light angst, light smut, etc. etc.





	1. Chapter 1

Tay stepped into the hotel room slowly, attempting to shake off the high from the party downstairs. He smiled to himself, remembering the insane dance moves and gyrating bodies of his close friends as they let their worries and fears go for one carefree night. When GMMTV threw a party, they sure delivered. Now however, he was extremely tired and couldn’t wait to snuggle into bed with New. New had retreated to their room about twenty minutes ago, having reached his maximum for the amount of socializing he could do for the day. Tay chuckled. New’s face had said it all when he had glanced at Tay wearily, and Tay had read his face within a second. He knew he was heading back to their room as he had watched New’s retreating form leave the ballroom.

Speaking of New, Tay shut the door to their room behind him as he looked around the room for his partner. The ghost of a smile flickered across his face as he couldn’t help but revel in the feel of alluding to New as his partner. What the word “partner” meant for them they still didn’t entirely know, but nowadays it felt like they didn’t want to know. It was as if these things were better left unsaid, unclear, unspoken. The more they thought about it the more they felt the weight of so much pressure compound on their shoulders. They had decided it was best to take things as they came, and wherever these things lead they’d follow as far as they could.

“Tayyyyy.” 

Tay was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard New’s melodic voice float through the room. He looked up to see him walking out of the bathroom, wearing the shorts he had worn earlier in the day and nothing else. Tay’s eyes grazed over New’s pale chest, still slightly flushed from all the dancing he had done a little while ago. New noticed Tay’s roaming eyes and smirked, walking up to him slowly and putting a light hand to Tay’s cheek. His thumb gently rubbed the corner of Tay’s mouth and suddenly Tay noticed nothing but that one spot where New’s hand rested, warmth seeping from it all over Tay’s body. New leaned in closer to Tay’s face, his eyes meeting Tay’s. Tay swallowed and stepped closer, resting his forehead against New’s and putting his hands on his waist, bringing him closer until there was no space left between them. Tay could feel their bodies humming, the tension building between their chests, so he leaned in to capture New’s lips with his but New pulled away at the last second, smiling with a twinkle in his eyes.

“Treatment time.” He said happily, walking away from Tay and breaking the moment Tay had hoped would finally give him some relief. Tay groaned loudly in frustration.

The two of them had been separated for more than a week but it had felt like a month. Exactly 24 hours ago Tay had finally pulled himself out of his melancholic stupor as he busied himself at his place last night, packing and practically vibrating with anticipation of spending today with New even though they’d be surrounded by their colleagues. It didn’t matter because just being next to New and feeling his presence was enough to relax Tay. Just being able to rest his hands on New’s shoulders, on New’s waist, on New’s thighs, that was all it took to put Tay at ease. And for the last week he hadn’t had that chance so tonight he was looking forward to finally having his best friend, his partner all to himself again. 

Unfortunately, it seemed like New had other plans, and Tay frowned at this. There was no way New wasn’t feeling the tension in the room tonight, he’d bet his life on it. So that meant that New was playing one of his favorite games - teasing Tay. Tay smiled to himself. Of course, he thought. That was New’s favorite thing to do. Nothing set him off more than seeing Tay slowly panic.

New walked back from the restroom holding two face masks and handing one over to Tay. 

“Here. And don’t forget to put it on correctly this time. Remember last time you-“

“I know, you don’t have to remind me!” Tay muttered as he grabbed the face mask from New’s hand, letting his fingers graze New’s slowly. New looked up from fumbling with his own mask to look at their fingers lingering on top of each other. He smiled and shook his head, pulling his fingers away and walking back to the restroom to put his face mask on.

A few minutes later both were splayed across the twin beds they had immediately pushed together the second they had first entered the room earlier in the day. Tay was checking his Instagram on his iPad and New was playing Disney Tsum Tsum, much to Tay’s chagrin. Tay turned to look at New, taking in every detail of New’s defined back and arms as New ignored him for that stupid, annoying game. Tay sighed and slowly crept his hand to New’s back, lazily rubbing his back in circles and then caressing it up and down. He saw New’s hands slightly fumble with his phone, his fingers twitching, the corners of his mouth perking up.

“Tay Tay, can’t you see I’m in the middle of something important?” New quipped teasingly, his eyes never leaving the phone and that damned game.

Tay smirked and ignored him, now moving his hand upward to rest on the back of New’s head, slowly but firmly turning it to face himself. He leaned towards New’s face and said coolly “New, if you don’t turn off that game right now you may or may not wake up with another hickey tomorrow morning, so have fun explaining that again to everyone.”

New’s eyes widened in panic and Tay couldn’t help but grin widely now as he leaned forward to finally capture New’s delicious lips with his. It felt like his world made sense again, like he could breathe again, like he was parched for water for days and his thirst was finally quenched. He groaned and leaned forward further, deepening the kiss as New opened up to let Tay’s tongue roam the spots he was all too familiar with. Tay’s hands reached up to roam all over the chest he had been admiring not too long ago just as New broke the kiss abruptly, resting his forehead against Tay’s and taking deep breathes.

“Officially missing me that much, huh?” He teased, his eyes meeting Tay’s with a mischievous look that lit Tay up like a light. 

“You”, Tay said as he kissed New’s now wet and red lips. “have”, kiss, “no”, kiss, “idea”, kiss. 

New broke the kiss again as he slowly crawled back to rest his back against the headboard of the bed. “Yeah? How much did you miss me Tay? Cause I couldn’t really tell.” He said brazenly, linking his hands behind his head as he sat there calmly looking at Tay, who was getting visibly more and more heated at New’s constant teasing, though he was enjoying it internally (a fact he would never tell New otherwise he’d never hear the end of it).

Tay grinned as he began stripping off his shirt, revealing the defined abs and broad shoulders New loved so much. “Here, let me show you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions, suggestions, want more works like this? hit me up on twitter @confusedpolca


	2. Chapter 2

“Tay, no!” New exclaimed as he jumped forward to stop Tay from yanking the shirt up over his head. “The face mask! It’ll come off and time’s not up yet! We’ve still got 5 minutes until we can take them off.” 

Tay groaned loudly and yanked his shirt back down as he adjusted the mask to ensure the edges hadn’t come off. New fussed with Tay’s shirt as he fixed it and hummed “tsk tsk tsk, Tay, when will you learn, patience is a virtue.” He said as he pretended to fix up the sides of Tay’s shirt and pulled and prodded, adding “always buzzing around trying to go from one thing to another. Why don’t you appreciate what’s here right now?” He pretended to chide as he finally stopped tugging on Tay’s shirt and moved to sit back against the headboard of the bed. 

Tay grabbed New’s elbow and pulled him so he was flush with his body, their chests almost touching, eyes now staring deeply into one another’s. “Five minutes. That’s it.” Tay said firmly, then let go of New’s elbow and crawled over to sit against the headboard, dragging his iPad over to him and furiously scrolling through his Twitter now. New sighed and tried desperately to control his laughter, the corners of his mouth almost betraying him as they twitched up in amusement. 

This Tay was New’s favorite. The agitated, anxious, impatient, raw, emotional Tay. The one that ignited passion within New and lit up his otherwise hectic and industrious life. Between school, acting projects and other arbitrary work duties, New always felt like his life needed more color, and Tay always brought that to him. Initially New rejected it, wanted to keep it at bay because opening up and allowing Tay in was like asking to be broken apart over and over. Tay needed - no - demanded vulnerability from New, and New was always reluctant to give that to anyone. But Tay took it from him as the years went by, until now there was virtually nothing New could keep from him because he knew he’d give it to Tay willingly at this point. 

It took time but New gradually learned to accept this and stop fighting.

Mostly.

As New rested his head against the headboard next to Tay and opened Disney Tsum Tsum again, he sighed contentedly as he reminisced about their past, the memories whirring by in his mind. He decided to encapsulate this moment in their memories like they always did - with an Instagram story.

“Tay Tay!” He called, his phone now recording their faces with masks on. Tay looked up from his iPad and gave one of his quick signature smiles, and New saved the video to his phone and also posted it to his Instagram story with the caption “Treatment Time”.

Just as he finished posting the story, Tay exclaimed impatiently “are the 5 minutes up yet?”

New looked up at him and laughed. “Tay.” He said slowly as he started to get up off the bed. “The 5 minutes were up 5 minutes ago. I lied. How does it feel to not get what you want for a change?” He said hurriedly as he rushed to the bathroom and locked the door behind him just as he heard Tay run up to the door and turn the doorknob. 

“New. NEW. I’m NOT playing with you, open the door right now. You lied? You LIED!” Tay said furiously as he twisted the knob angrily. “Hin, open the door for God’s sake, I need to take off the mask and wash my face too you know!”

New laughed a little too loudly, ensuring the sound of his laughter carried over to Tay on the other side of the door as he pulled his mask off gently. Serves him right, he thought, as he proceeded to wash his face. All week Tay had been ignoring his messages, tweets, and Instagram comments. Tay was a stubborn man when he wanted to be. He insisted that he was just busy with work, but his Instagram stories proved otherwise. It was only fair, New thought as he dried his face, that Tay suffer just as much as he had. Tay was always pulling this shit with New. The logical part of New’s brain knew that Tay was doing this out of his own insecurities. He knew Tay well enough to know that sometimes he doubted his own self worth, and New had gotten on his case about this a thousand times. New had shown Tay over and over again how much he meant to him but Tay would then randomly pull a stunt like this and ignore him just to see what New would do next.

New had to admit that these constant games entertained him almost as much as he was sure they entertained Tay. 

He sighed as he went to open the bathroom door. Just as he unlocked it Tay came barging in, his hands flying to New’s face as he pulled New in for an unexpected and rough kiss. Tay threw all his fury and passion into the kiss, and New, caught off guard, could only feel the pressure of Tay’s lips on his and the sudden tightening of his shorts right around his crotch. He pushed Tay off roughly and stared at him with wide eyes. Tay’s eyes looked like they could bore holes through his own, so New just shrugged casually and lifted his hands to peel off Tay’s mask. Tay slapped New’s hands away. New tried again. Tay pushed again. New lifted his hands again, and they repeated the same cat and mouse game until Tay finally stopped pushing New’s hands away.

New gently peeled off Tay’s mask as Tay’s eyes followed New’s every move, glaring at him as he huffed in fake annoyance. New slowly smiled. 

“Tay, I know I’m cute and all, but you don’t have to stare at me every second.” 

Tay’s eyes got big and he attempted to move away from New, but New grabbed his shoulders and held him still as he softly placed a kiss on Tay’s lips. 

“Hey,” he said quietly as he rested his forehead against Tay’s. “The face masks are off and I’m already dead tired. What do you say we call it a night?” 

Tay looked up at New and grinned slowly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

As the two lay in bed next to each other, both lying on their backs and staring at the ceiling, their bodies resting comfortably against each other’s, both Tay and New reveled in the feel of finally sleeping in each other’s company again. Neither of them had realized how much they needed to sleep next to each other until they had finally been separated for the last few days. It had never been like this before but something had changed recently. They didn’t need to talk about it to agree that things just seemed different now. They never needed each other as much as they needed each other now. Where a prolonged separation even a year ago wouldn’t have bugged them all that much, now even a week felt like torture. 

Tay slowly rolled over on his side and gently placed his arm atop New’s waist, testing the waters to see if New would rebuff him again and keep up this facade of being annoyed. Tay knew he had ignored Hin all week but he couldn’t help it. New just got all angsty and needy when Tay ignored him, and that was Tay’s favorite New. It sounds insane, but knowing that New needed him just as much as he needed New made Tay feel amazing. He knew he shouldn’t be acting like this with New but he also knew that deep down inside both of them enjoyed these ridiculous games. It was their “thing”. It drove them (and probably all their GMMTV friends and coworkers, families, and even polcas) crazy but they couldn’t stop playing these games. It was like every few months one of them had to pull some sort of ridiculous antic on the other and the games would start again.

New sighed dramatically but didn’t remove Tay’s arm. Tay smiled to himself and tightened his grip on New’s waist, slowly pulling New closer to his body until he was practically melded to him, and squeezed as tight as he could.

“Ah, Tayyyyy that’s too tight!” New exclaimed.

“Good. You deserve it.” Tay responded even as he loosened his grip just a little. 

New groaned and turned his back to Tay, but Tay just tightened his arm and leaned in to snuggle closer to New, moving his head to rest in the crook of New’s neck. His lips grazed his favorite spot, and he gently kissed the delicate area between the neck and shoulder. New gasped but made no move. Tay’s hand began to move slowly down past New’s toned abs to his amazing thighs, and Tay, who was also sleeping shirtless, could now feel the goosebumps and shivers all over New’s back.

He rubbed his hand slowly and deliberately on New’s thigh as he continued to suck on that perfect spot in the crook of New’s neck. New finally caught on to what was happening.

“Tay. Tay! No, not again. It’s too risky! If people see it there again they’ll KNOW something is up. Stop.” New said gently but firmly.

Tay sighed and reluctantly pulled his lips away but kept his hand on New’s thigh. New turned around so that he was now facing Tay and leaned forward to kiss him deeply, their tongues now clashing with each other’s. New lifted his hands to rest on Tay’s waist as Tay wrapped his legs tightly around New’s.

Tay finally broke the kiss, gazing longingly into New’s eyes.

“I break so many rules for you.” He said quietly. “I……I don’t even know why. I know I ignored you all week but this….whatever this is, it’s too much. I feel like I need you all the time. There’s this connection that I have with you and it’s already gone down so many different winding paths. The more we do this the deeper this relationship…….this partnership gets. I can’t quit you, New.” Tay finally whispered. “That’s terrifying.”

New’s eyes surveyed Tay’s with a knowing look. 

“I know, Tay. I get it. If you feel it then of course I feel it too. I don’t know either.” He sighed even as he moved closer until their faces were now less than an inch apart. “I worry constantly about what this is, what it could be. It drives me crazy, it makes me anxious, and sometimes I……I wanna leave. I wanna leave because it’s overwhelming, the feelings that I have for you. And it drives me crazy that it feels like we’re already so far gone. It’s too late now.” He all but groaned in frustration. Both men had now closed their eyes as they breathed in the scent of the other.

The past week had drained them, the past few months had solidified them, and the past few years had shaped them. Nothing made sense to anyone else and yet, to them, everything finally, at long last, was starting to make sense.


	3. Chapter 3

The bright rays of sunshine hit New’s face far too early. He squinted and frowned subconsciously as his brain tried to process the fact that it finally had to awaken from its blissful slumber. New slowly opened his eyes and surveyed the room around him. He felt Tay’s strong legs draped over his own, Tay’s heavy arm draped over his waist, and Tay’s warm breath near his neck resting yet again in that spot Tay loved so much. New rolled his eyes even as he slightly blushed, thinking of Tay’s insane obsession with the crook of his neck.

He made to get up, lightly grabbing Tay’s arm to tug it off him when Tay suddenly tightened his grip and shook his head.

“Mmmmm, Hin. Come on, just a few more minutes. We don’t even have to go down right now. There’s nothing else we need to do today and the buses don’t leave until noon. Why are you suddenly in a rush?” Tay murmured, still keeping his eyes closed.

“Tay, I just wanna grab my phone and put on a shirt. I’m not going anywhere.” New reassured his best friend as he made to get up again, but this time Tay’s eyes opened wide and he pounced on New until he was now on top of him, looking down at him with a frown.

“Put on a shirt! Whyyy?” he asked slowly as he traced his fingers down New’s lean torso, eliciting a gasp from New. 

New squirmed and said “because…..cause….I……..we…….” his brain suddenly forgetting all rational thought and coherent sentence structure as Tay’s hands lazily flicked his nipples.

“Hmmm?” Tay quizzed, now leaning down to kiss New softly, no longer allowing New to respond to his question (not that he would be able to form a response at this point anyway). The kiss was tender yet desperate, starting off slow and then winding up into a back and forth that naturally led to Tay grinding his groin into New.

New gasped and pushed Tay away. “Nope, no way, not now.” He said firmly, attempting to wiggle out from underneath Tay.

Tay sighed and sat up but kept his waist on New’s, still pinning him down as he looked at his partner with confusion.

“What’s wrong?” He asked simply.

New stopped wiggling and glanced up at Tay. “What?” 

“Hin, you’ve been acting strange since last night. What’s wrong? Don’t you want-“ Tay moved his waist slowly atop New’s to create friction between their bodies and saw New’s eyes haze over, “this? Hmmmm? What’s the matter?”

New tried to clear his mind from Tay’s constantly grinding as he swallowed and said “Tay, everyone’s probably waiting for us downstairs. I know we haven’t been together in a week but do you really think right now is the right time for sex?”

Tay grinned. “With you, any time is the right time New, that’s a stupid question.”

New scowled. “Are you calling me stupid?” 

“Well if you say such dumb things what am I supposed to call you?” Tay said sarcastically.

“I don’t know Tay, try single.” New snapped.

Tay’s eyes flew to New’s face and in that moment New could say with absolute certainty that two things were about to happen: one - Tay was not going to leave this room without making New pay for what he just said and two - New would probably, most likely, definitely enjoy every second of it.

Tay leaned down until he was nose to nose with New and stated calmly “what was that?”

“I said you,” New leaned up to kiss Tay’s neck, “can”, his collar bone, “call,” his shoulder, “me”, jaw, “single”, and finally his mouth.

Tay kissed New back passionately and started trailing light kisses down his chest and abs, his tongue coming out every so often to taste New’s delicious skin. He reached the inside of New’s thigh and gently kissed in that area. New shivered and gasped, his toes curling in anticipation.

“That is so unfortunate, New, that you consider yourself single and yet here you are, gasping and squirming underneath me.” Tay said calmly as he looked up to glare at New.

New could only look back at Tay with a faint smile on his face. “I am who I am, Tay Tay, why does it matter to you? You ignored me for a week remember?”

Tay grinned and dove back to the spot on the inside of New’s thigh, now slowly sucking on it with urgency, his teeth occasionally pressing down lightly. Before long Tay could see the fresh hickey coming out and, unfortunately, New realized at that exact moment what Tay had done.

“Tayyyy! No! Why?” He exclaimed, feigning annoyance even as Tay’s constant sucking had gotten him extremely heated by this point.

“You said not at the neck this time but didn’t mention anywhere else on your body, Hin.” Tay said, shrugging as he sat back to admire the bright red hickey forming.

New rolled his eyes as he laid there looking up at Tay, who looked so proud of his work. He smiled. “At least this time I won’t have to explain it to anyone. Well,” he said as he slowly attempted to sit back up, “except for the next guy I plan on sleeping with.” He looked up just in time to see Tay tackling him back to the bed. Tay was now reaching for the drawstrings on New’s shorts when New’s phone rang.

New made to reach for it but Tay grabbed his arm and said impatiently “Hin, please, no!”

New sighed and pulled his arm out of Tay’s grasp, grabbing the phone to see that it was Off calling them, probably to see if they were ever going to come down for breakfast.

“Tay, we gotta go. Off’s calling and you know that means that everyone else has already started their teasing,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Tay groaned and leaned his head against New’s. “This sucks. This month sucks, the past weekend sucked, everything sucks. I just wanna be with you, Hin. Why is everyone working against us?”

New reached out and gently ran his fingers through Tay’s hair. “I know. Someday our timing’s gonna be perfect, I just know it Tay.”


	4. Chapter 4

Tay waited for New to walk out of the GMMTV Grammy building so they could ride back to his place together. This week they were spending the nights at his place, and the weekend would be New’s. They usually alternated depending on their individual schedules, but it was rare for them not to spend the nights together regardless of whose place it was. They’d been doing this for the last year or so, and if Tay was being honest with himself he had to admit the back and forth was getting tiring and he really just wanted New all to himself, 24/7, at his place. But whenever Tay gently tried to bring up the topic of them moving in together, New would shoot it down by saying now wasn’t the right time since he was too busy filming at various locations and barely had time to sleep, let alone pack up his things and move them to Tay’s place. As much as it irritated Tay, he had to admit New had a point, so he stopped pushing the issue. Still, deep down inside he knew he’d keep bringing it up regularly so that it finally stuck in New’s head. That’s how it always went with his nong, Tay mused. He knew that if he poked and prodded long enough, New would eventually cave.

He always did, to Tay. One way or another, whether it took weeks, months or even years.

Tay looked up from where he was sitting on a nearby bench to see New walking out, laughing and smiling with his friend and mutual co-actor Singto. As always when it came to Singto and New, for a brief second a small pang of jealousy hit Tay in the chest. But it was quickly drowned out by the voice of reason that usually took over, reminding him that Singto and New got along so well because of their shared interests and similar personalities - both tended to be quiet but could also tease expertly, both seemed rough on the edges but when they cared for you they could make you go soft in an instant. Tay knew this was why Singto was the only other person at GMMTV besides him and Off that New chose to hang out with and keep in touch with even after working hours were over. 

The unreasonable and irrational side of Tay couldn’t help wanting New to only need him, only talk to him, only hang out with him outside of work. It made him feel like their relationship truly was special, even though New constantly reminded him of this practically everyday. Tay shut down his ridiculous internal monologue as New and Singto approached.

“Hi P’Tay, sorry I kept P’New so long. We were discussing this one math problem from one of P’s courses and it took longer than usual.” Singto said with his signature warm smile that could melt anyone’s heart. 

“Don’t worry about it, Sing, Tay doesn’t mind! We didn’t have any plans tonight anyway.” New said hurriedly, smiling at Singto. 

Tay looked from New to Singto and said “yeah, all good, no worries. Hopefully you got that problem solved!” He said with a laugh.

“Of course! P’New and I make a great team!” Singto said happily. An awkward silence followed for a brief second before Singto’s eyes grew wide and he said hurriedly “at math….on math….we-we work together well on math problems” he blurted out.

Tay smiled and nodded his head. “I’m just glad New has someone to go to to help him with this stuff. I know how frustrated he can get when he can’t figure something out.” Tay said teasingly. 

New laughed and nodded his head, shrugging and looking down shyly.

“Well, I gotta get home soon. Nice talking to you, P’Tay. P’New, text me if you need any more help or have any other questions.” Singto said lightly as he waved to both of them and walked off.

Tay and New remained standing there, a sudden and rare awkward silence stretching far too long. New finally cleared his throat and said lightly “shall we head to my car then?”

Tay nodded curtly and led the way.

*******************************************************************************************

“Do you wanna eat the leftovers from yesterday? I can heat them up.” New asked as he grabbed the food from Tay’s fridge. 

Tay was lounging on the couch scrolling through Twitter on his iPad as New buzzed around the kitchen, grabbing whatever he could to munch on since he was, of course, perpetually hungry.

Tay looked up and frowned. “No, let’s go out somewhere. I’m in the mood for something new and fresh.”

New sighed and placed the food on the dining table. “I can’t. I’m tired. I filmed all day and spent the last 2 hours working on homework. I just want to eat and then crash.” 

“Come on, it’ll be fun and relaxing. I’ll even let you pick the restaurant this time!” Tay said excitedly, hoping that would tempt New. “As long as it’s not a dessert shop….”

“No, Tay. I don’t want to go anywhere right now. I just want to sleep.” New said with finality, sitting down at the table to eat the leftovers.

Tay blinked and stared at New. Don’t do it, he said to himself. Don’t do it Tay, don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t-

“Were you this tired when you worked on the math problem with Singto?” 

Fuck.

New looked up from his food, mouth open wide in shock. “Are……..are you serious right now??” He said.

“You didn’t look tired when you walked out with him, that’s all I’m saying. Then we got home and suddenly you don’t want to do anything with me?” Tay responded, trying to even out his tone after he stupidly started this conversation. 

He knew he shouldn’t go down this path. Every time they had this argument it would last for days, sometimes even weeks, and would make New confused again about their whole relationship. Meanwhile Tay would become distraught and frantic, ignoring New but also not finding any joy in his daily routine whatsoever. It always tortured both of them and yet, here they were, about to go down this rabbit hole yet again. 

Tay tried to backtrack. “I…..I just meant that I think it’ll help you clear your mind and unwind, if we went out somewhere after such a long day.” 

“No.” New said coolly as he got up to rinse his dishes in the sink and place them in the dishwasher. “No thanks. I don’t really feel like going out right now with you, and I’m tired as hell so I’m gonna call it a night.” And with that he walked out the room and headed to the guest room. 

Tay saw him heading to that room and leapt up to trail after him. “New….New…..NEW!” He said as he grabbed his elbow and turned him around. “You’re going to the wrong room, you know the master is on the other side.” He said as he pointed in the opposite direction of the hallway to Tay’s room where they both always slept together when spending the night here.

“No, I know where I’m going Tay, I don’t need you to tell me.” New said detachedly as he pulled Tay’s hand off his elbow and entered the guest room, locking it from the inside. 

Tay sighed and stood outside the room, frustrated and angry with himself and for their shitty situation. New’s schedule all month had been rough, and today was one of the only days he had had where he wasn’t working all day and all night. He probably wanted to spend a nice quiet night with Tay, as he usually did when he worked too much and had a free night once in a while. Instead, Tay had lashed out again, the loneliness he felt from their long separations yet again getting the best of him. It sucked not having New around as frequently, and even though they always kept it together when the relationship became long distance, the lingering affects it had on them couldn’t be ignored so easily. It always took a few days, weeks even, for things to get back to normal. 

Would this time be any different?


	5. Chapter 5

New walked out of his room yawning and stretching his body every which way he could. He had had a rough night, and it didn’t help that his usual bolster Tay wasn’t by his side.

“Serves him right,” New muttered as he made his way to the kitchen groggily to make breakfast. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a shirtless Tay in an apron cooking at the stove.

“T—Tay! What are you doing?” He asked stupidly, fully capable of seeing what Tay was physically doing but unable to make sense of it mentally.

Tay looked up from the eggs that were frying in the pan and smiled warmly. “Hin! You’re up. Excellent. These eggs are just about done so you can take a seat at the table and I’ll bring them out.” Tay said as he flipped the eggs expertly.

New’s eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head. “I—I—okay?” He said, still confused but making his way over to the breakfast area nonetheless. He sat down and rested his elbows at the table, clasping his hands under his face and placing his chin in his hands to stare at Tay. From this angle New could make out the defined muscles in Tay’s back, as the apron left little to the imagination. Sadly Tay was still wearing his boxer shorts, and New quietly whined so Tay wouldn’t hear. He didn’t want to give Tay the satisfaction of knowing he was still checking him out even though they had argued last night.

Regaining some composure, New quickly dropped his hands and leaned back in his chair, plastering a cool and detached look on his face as Tay placed the eggs and toast on the table.

“I don’t know how well they taste but you know, it’s the thought that counts, right?” He said nervously as he took off the apron, revealing his bare chest as he sat down directly across from New to eat breakfast.

New knew what he was doing. Tay rarely made breakfast (or lunch, or dinner) as he preferred eating out and socializing with as many people as he could for each meal of the day. Cooking at home and staying in was, of course, New’s thing. And he had made an American style breakfast, which he knew New loved. This, coupled with the fact that he bared the chest New loved so much right in front of him as they ate breakfast meant only one thing: he was trying to make amends for what happened last night. Strangely though, New was just not in the mood this time. Forcing his eyes to drag away from Tay’s beautiful pecks, New stared down at his food and for the first time ever realized that he had lost his appetite. 

He had no idea what was wrong. He had woken up fine, but suddenly everything felt strange.

He felt likes the walls were closing in around him, as if he was suffocating under the weight of……everything. He looked up at Tay, happily munching away on his food. He looked around the condo, feeling that the homey vibes he once adored about this place were suddenly restricting, as if they were binding him down and he just wanted to be free.

Tay glanced up at New and saw the agitated look on his partner’s face. “Hin? What’s wrong?” He said, dropping his knife and fork and standing up to walk over to New.

New leapt out of his chair and backed away. “Tay…..I c—can’t do this.” He whispered, his breathing becoming ragged as he took another step back and dropped onto the sofa in the living room, placing his head in his hands and yanking at his hair. “I can’t. It’s too much. This, us, this domesticated feeling. Is this what it’s gonna be like now?” He said, looking up at Tay with a panicked look on his face. “Our days blur into one another and every once in a while the monotony is broken by some random bullshit argument, only for us to sleep in different rooms and then wake up forcing ourselves to believe this is alright? That we’re okay? That we’re……happy?” He said frustratedly. 

Tay crouched down on the ground in front of New. “Hey, Hin, look at me.” He said gently as he placed his hands on New’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Hin, I need you to breathe, okay? I need you to take deep breathes. Now.”

Tay could feel New’s body try to reject his request, could feel his shoulders constrict and try to escape out of Tay’s grip. He knew if he let go right now New would just run to his room, grab his stuff and run away. He often tried to do this, and a couple of times even succeeded. He’d run when things got too serious, and then try to placate Tay with overly sweet comments on Twitter and Instagram. But Tay was well versed in the complex language that was New. He knew better than to let New run away right now. New had to sit here and fight the urge to run when things got too real between them, and Tay was going to make him do it if it was the last thing he did.

Slowly, after realizing that Tay wasn’t going to let him go, New’s breathing started to regularize again. He rested his elbows on his knees as he looked down, hunched over as he sat in the middle of the sofa, Tay on his knees in front of him. New finally looked up at Tay and both stared into each other’s eyes for what felt like an eternity, not saying anything but also not needing to. After a few minutes, Tay slowly stood up and sat next to New on the sofa, gently pulling his body towards his to rest him against his chest. New naturally resisted at first, the urge to run still coursing through his body, but this time it only took another tug from Tay to make New succumb and lean against Tay’s chest, placing his hand on Tay’s peck and feeling the warmth of Tay’s strong arm around his shoulders.

Both boys sat like that for a long time, neither saying a word, just the sound of their breathing breaking the calm monotony around the condo. 

“Feeling better?” Tay asked after a while.

New nodded slowly, frowning and closing his eyes as he curled the hand resting on Tay’s chest into a tight fist. Tay noticed that and couldn’t stifle the small laugh that escaped him, the hum of the laugh vibrating from his body to New’s. New’s frown deepened to a scowl and he looked up at Tay. “It’s not funny, Tay.” 

“No no, I’m not laughing at you, I’m just laughing at……us.” He said, the ghost of a smile resting on his mouth.

New looked at him and couldn’t help smiling a little himself. Soon both boys were laughing lightly like lunatics. 

“What……what is wrong with us?” New asked between laughs.

“I don’t even know, Hin.” Tay replied, his laughter finally subsiding. He pulled New in closer until both his arms were wrapped around his shoulders, his head resting in the crook of his neck so that he could finally breathe in the delicious scent that was all New. “New, I don’t know. I don’t know anything other than the fact that I’m not letting you run anymore. I know you felt upset from last night, and I—I am sorry that I snapped at you, but you can’t just run away if things get too hard. I can’t let you do that anymore. We’re too far gone now.” He said simply. “You….we can’t run from this.”

“What is this Tay?” New asked quietly, his eyes closed as he rested against Tay’s chest.

“Honestly? The most beautiful thing I have in my life right now.” Tay replied. “I’m sorry I popped off at you last night, and over Singto, of all people jeez.” Tay ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I….I can’t make sense of the strong feelings I have for you. I’ve always had them, but nowadays it feels like they’re overpowering and I want nothing more than to have you all to myself. All the time!”

New opened his eyes and sat up slowly. Both boys looked at each other before Tay finally closed the distance between them and kissed New with desperation, his hands creeping up to run his fingers through New’s thick and soft hair, tugging at his head to deepen the kiss so that Tay could drag his tongue into New’s mouth and revel in its warmth, a place he never wanted to leave. 

New whined and gently placed his hands on Tay’s chest to push him back, breaking the kiss only to lean towards Tay until Tay was laying down on the sofa with New straddling him.

“I’m glad you apologized, because I get to finally give you your reward. I was thinking you’d never say sorry and we might have to go days without this.” He said as he ground his hips slowly on top of Tay’s groin, eliciting a sharp groan from Tay. 

“Ah, Hinnnnn!” 

New smirked as he leaned down to kiss Tay softly, his hands snaking their way into Tay’s boxers to find his dick, wrapping around it firmly and expertly as he began to rub up and down at an extremely slow pace. Tay moaned into the kiss and New felt the vibrations of that course through his body straight down to his crotch, which was now tenting up against own boxers. But he kept his hands trained on Tay’s dick as he deepened their kiss, teasing Tay by slowing down every so often when he felt like Tay was about to find release.

When Tay realized what New was doing he grabbed New by the waist and pulled him until he was on top of him, tugging at New’s boxers now.

“You honestly think this is some kind of joke, don’t you?” He said credulously as eyed New’s now erect dick, his mouth watering in anticipation. He glanced down at the fading hickey he had left a few days ago on the inside of New’s thigh, the image somehow causing Tay to get even harder now. He leaned down and closed his mouth around New, starting at the tip and sucking slowly as he heard New hiss. He then picked up the pace gradually as he took more of New's dick into his mouth, his head bobbing up and down at a constant rhythm as he looked up to see New’s eyes glaze over and his hands resting on Tay’s head. The look on New’s face is what Tay loved most, how New forgot about all the worries that always etched his beautiful angelic face, how he couldn’t focus on anything besides Tay and what Tay was doing to him. He would give anything to revel in the feel of being New’s sole focus for the rest of his life.

“Fuck Tay, I’m gonna cum.” New muttered, and Tay waited a few seconds before popping his mouth off just as he felt like New was about to peak.

“Tay what the fuck?” New exclaimed as Tay could literally see his face come down from the sex fueled high into complete and utter frustration. “I was so close and you…you….fucking hell, Tay, fuck you!”

Tay grinned as he crawled up to kiss New’s forehead. “You’ve been teasing me for weeks, did you really think it would be this easy?” He said baldly. “Flip over.” 

“Fuck no. You didn’t-“ But New couldn’t finished his sentence as Tay grabbed him around his waist and flipped him over gently. 

“Hin, don’t test me right now. I’m already on edge and you are not helping.” He said as he slowly started to rain kisses along New’s back, starting from the back of his neck and going all the way down to the soft curve just above his ass. “It’s gonna be a long day if you don’t relax and let me take it from here.”

New grinned even as he finally succumbed to Tay, feeling a hand come down on the back of his neck and press gently, the single sign of dominance all New needed to lower his head and close his eyes, basking in the feel of their new normal. It would take time, definitely, but New could already tell that he could get used to these kinds of mornings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i keep teasing with the sexy times but bear with me, it will come (pun intended) soon enough, you thirsties.


	6. Chapter 6

Tay woke up from his nap on the couch to find New gone and naturally bolted out of his sleepy haze to call out for him. 

“New? New! HIN???” He hollered, still sluggish from sleep but trying to stand up so that he could search for his best friend. They had accidentally fallen asleep on the couch after some intense making out which had naturally led to them fucking each other until they both crashed. The more Tay thought about it the more he wondered why he ever hesitated having sex with New. It kept proving to be such a mind-blowing experience time and time again that he was convinced he’d get addicted to it (if he wasn’t already). He just couldn’t get enough of Hin’s body. It was like a magnet that fascinated him, from his ridiculously plump lips all the way down to how flushed his pale skin would get whenever he teased it. The high that Tay got from New’s body alone was addictive, being inside of it felt like a dream he never wanted to wake up from.

“Tayyyyy!” 

Tay jerked his head to the side as he heard New coming out of the bathroom.

“Why are you shouting Tay? I’m right here.” New said as he shook his head to dry out his wet hair, clearly having just gotten out of the shower.

Tay marched forward and grabbed New into a tight and firm hug, his hammering heart finally slowing down a little as he took in New’s freshly clean scent and felt his hard body wrapped securely in his arms.

“Seriously? After everything that just happened this morning you just….you…actually……..thought that disappearing while I’m sleeping was a good idea?” Tay mumbled, his face still nuzzled between New’s neck and shoulder.

New sighed and gently pulled away, walking over to grab his car keys and bag from the kitchen counter.

“Tay, I have to hurry. I’m already late for class and you weren’t helping this morning with your…..urrr……..many distractions. I need to lea—“

“You really think leaving now is a good idea, after you…..y’know…….just had another panic attack?” Tay said softly. “I’m just worried that you might overexert yourself. Why not take a break today? We could—“

“No.” New said firmly. “I need to keep on track, need to stay on schedule. You know how these things go, Tay. I can’t let them distract me.” His tone softened as he looked at Tay. “I—I just need time. You know I’m still getting used to this, to us. We moved too fast, basically overcorrected in the last few weeks, and rushed from best friends of six years to something I can’t even recognize. I’m worried we might forget who we are, what brought us here, who Tay and New are and not just TayNew, you know?” He all but whispered. 

Both stood there looking at each other, once again not uttering a word but reading each other’s eyes. 

Tay sighed. “I get it. I know, Hin. Go.” He finally responded. “See you tonight?”

New flinched slightly and said “I……I can’t. I’m staying after class tonight on campus since my friends and I made dinner plans.” He said apologetically, his hand reaching up to scratch behind his head. 

Tay’s eyes widened as he said slowly “ohhhh okay, no………..no worries. Text me when you’re free tonight then? We could video chat.”

“I’ll let you know.” New said as he hastily walked to the door after checking the time on his phone. Before walking out he stopped and turned to Tay, the familiar look of pure love washing over his face for just a rare moment as he said “have fun filming today, Tay Tay. I know you’re gonna do amazing, as always. Su su na, pal.” He smiled as he walked out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

Tay stood there in the middle of his living room, shaking his head slowly. Was it always going to be like this? Every day there was something new with them. Just when Tay thought things were settling down between them and they were hitting their stride, New would freak out again and that would make Tay question everything. What were they even doing? They liked to put on a facade in front of everyone and pretend that no one else needed to know what they were because they knew what they were, but more times than not Tay had no idea where New would lead him next. New was an anomaly, a storm in his life that would pull him one way and then another. He knew he could never live without him but also knew that being with him drove him to the brinks of insanity. No one could keep up with New but it was widely accepted among their peers that at the very least Tay could. But nowadays even Tay could barely pin him down.

He grabbed his phone from the nearby table and checked the time.

“Shit fucking shit God fucking damn it NO!” 

He was late, as usual. He ran to the bathroom, took a shower at lightning speed, threw on some clothes and ran out his condo in record time. As he was just about to reach the bus station he realized he had naturally forgotten his phone back at his condo. He sighed as he literally did an about-face to start the trek back.

This was gonna be a long day.

**************************************************************************************************************************

New was shoving food into his mouth, savoring the delicious flavors in the finely cooked meat as one of his friends placed a hand on his shoulder and said “hey, wanna head to karaoke after this?”

New frowned as he chewed and swallowed. It was already 11 pm and he was pretty tired from a full day of classes and then a couple of hours of filming for his upcoming show that the producers randomly decided to film today. He didn’t know if he could take the insanity of singing and drinking with his school friends, but he also knew that he really wanted to blow off some steam right now. Things had gotten pretty heated in the morning with Tay, and as much as New tried to keep the peace with him nowadays, he knew that the strain was beginning to show. The panic attack had come out of nowhere this morning, and it shook New to his core because he hadn’t had one in years. 

Was it possible that the stress of moving past the “best friends” stage of their friendship had triggered it? And if so, would moving forward really be the best thing right now?

All these thoughts had frustrated New to no end all day, to the point where he could barely focus on his lectures and assignments, and it was a struggle getting through his scenes later while filming. By the time he had reached the restaurant to meet up with his friends for dinner, he was already in an agitated state. Yet almost 2 hours later he had forgotten all about the stress from earlier in the day and was currently in the best food coma imaginable, riding the high from his favorite meals and desserts. He figured some partying and drinking might actually do him some good tonight. 

Just as he was about to respond he heard his phone buzzing and glanced over to see a text from Tay pop up - “Hey, you almost done?” it said.

New looked from his phone back to his friend that had his hand on his shoulder and said “yeah, sure! Let’s go.”

He grabbed his phone and quickly responded to Tay - “Hey, I’m gonna head to karaoke with the gang. Talk to you tomorrow. Night!”

What harm could an hour or two of karaoke and light drinks do, anyway?


	7. Chapter 7

There was some sort of incessant scratching at New’s back that pulled him from his deep slumber. He refused to acknowledge it as he felt the beginnings of a vicious headache forming just around his temples. He scrunched his eyes and begrudgingly, ever so slowly, squinted them open. Then gasped out loud.

“What……what the……what the FUCK?? Where—“ He looked to his right on the bed and saw the most adorable looking cat mewling at him as it attempted to crawl behind him to continuing its pawing at his back.

“What the hell. Holy shit. Where am I?” He looked around the room he was in and noticed a desk, an open closet, a vanity, some makeup, a large window, a dresser—he did a double take at the vanity and leapt out of the bed to rush over to it. Make up. There was make up on this vanity which meant that there was a slightly high probability this was a girl’s room. He immediately looked down at the bottom half of his body and saw that he still had his boxers on and released a huge sigh of relief. However, there was still the slight problem of the fact that with the exception of his boxers he had no other article of clothing on.

He dashed around the foreign room, looking for his clothing, stopping at the open door of the closet and hesitating before finally saying “fuck it!” and entering. He saw his shirt and pants scattered haphazardly around the closet floor. He also saw a matching pair of dark blue bra and panties.

“Shit. FUCK MY LIFE.” He cursed angrily as he grabbed his shirt and pants and threw them on. 

“You’re welcome to take a longer look, if you’d like.”

New whipped around so fast he almost tumbled over his own two legs. He looked up to see a cute girl with short brown hair wearing short shorts and a tank top.

“I……I’m sorry?” He said hastily.

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“Both. Wait, no, I’m telling you. Wait, no! I’m apologizing to you.” He stuttered.

The girl smiled and motioned for him to follow her out the closet.

“Don’t worry, nothing happened. We met at the bar, came back to my place, made out a lot but it seemed like you were not in the mood to do much else after things started to get hot and heavy. Damn man, if you weren’t interested you could’ve said so from the beginning.” She said calmly as she grabbed his phone and wallet from her nightstand. “I really wanted to get some action last night and you literally cockblocked me!” She handed him his belongings and grinned.

“So, up for some breakfast?” She asked.

“Uhhh….” New hated passing up on a good offer for food plus, he was actually starting to like this girl. She had a relaxed vibe around her, and that immediately soothed his tense and anxious personality, especially nowadays. “Sure?”

“Again, are you asking me or telling me?” She smirked.

“Definitely telling you.”

***********************************************************************************************

The girl placed two plates of cereal on the table in front of New, sat down and immediately pulled one of the plates towards herself. “Sooooo,” she said as she twirled her spoon around in her bowl, “who’s Tay?”

New choked on the bite of cereal he was trying to swallow and jumped out of his seat to grab a glass from the kitchen. He ran to the fridge, poured some water and took a huge gulp, effectively choking now on both cereal and water now. Throughout his prolonged suffering the girl just sat at the table and laughed like a maniac.

“Th—th—thank you for laughing at—my—misery!” He choked out as his breathing finally got under control.

“I’m sorry, I really am! It was just so funny!” She howled out between fits of laughter. “Here, do you need a napkin?” She asked, making her way to the paper towel roll sitting on the counter and tearing off a piece for him. She walked up to him and proceeded to wipe off the spit and drool surrounding his mouth. Strangely, New felt a sense of comfort and warmth from this small action. Not in a romantic or sexual sense, but in a gentle, kind way, as if she was a good friend or even a sibling that was taking care of him. It seemed to fill that empty void that not even being with Tay could fill.

When she was done wiping his face she threw the used napkin in the trash and sat back down at the table, munching happily on her cereal.

“So. Tay. Spill.” She ordered between bites, pointing to New’s chair across from her in an indirect command for him to sit.

He walked back to the chair and sighed. “He’s my………..best friend.”

The girl’s eyes widened and a smirk formed across her face. She rolled her eyes and said “ooookay. Sure. Well,” she said as she place her spoon in her now empty bowl and looked directly at New, “whoever he is he called you like ten times last night, left you I’d say at least 30 texts and oh, about four voice mails, I think?”

New’s eyes grew wide and he grabbed his phone from the table and unlocked it.

“Shit.” He said as he scrolled through all his notifications. He saw the missed calls and glanced at the texts briefly - “New, when are you coming home?” “Hin! Where are you?” “New, this isn’t funny anymore I’m seriously getting pissed ANSWER ME NOW.” “Hin. Just, please, let me know you’re okay.” 

He sighed and grabbed his plate from the table, heading to the sink to rinse it off. The girl blocked his way and grabbed his plate and spoon. “Look, I don’t know who he is to you but it sounds like he’s probably gone to the cops at this point since you didn’t respond to him for one night so I think it’s best if you run along and tell him you’re still alive, okay?” She said gently, the corners of her mouth twitching, as if she was trying very hard to hold back a smile, or even one of her bold laughs.

“I—no, I can clean this, it’s fi—“

“No man. Seriously. Go.”

“What’s your name? I’m sorry, I should’ve asked you this a long time ago, I just—“

“Don’t worry about it.” She responded brightly, placing her hand gently on his shoulder as she led him to her front door. “Just…….make sure you get to Tay, okay?”

New smiled. “I’ll try.”

***********************************************************************************************

He tried to piece together the events from last night as he drove over to Tay’s condo. He remembered leaving for karaoke with the guys, drinking heavily and seeing the girl walk into their karaoke room, but after that the events just blurred. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel in frustration. 

Who even cared, really? She had confirmed that nothing happened between them, and that was all that mattered to him. But why did it matter so much? Why did the very idea that New had actually not succeeded in getting into her pants last night make him oddly happy? And why in the world was he now rushing over to Tay instead of stumbling back to his condo as he usually would after a night out with friends?

Guilt slowly crept its way into his head as he got closer to Tay’s condo and thought about how this conversation would potentially go. Tay would no doubt ask him where he’d been all night, possibly even yell at how irresponsible he had been yet again. And when New finally told him where he had been……he visibly flinched at the idea, unable to imagine how angry and hurt Tay would be. Anxiety started settling in next, his heartbeat becoming irregular even as he took several shaky breaths to calm it down. On an impulse he swerved abruptly in the direction away from Tay’s condo and towards his own place. 

He parked in the parking lot, ran up to his condo, grabbed a few pairs of shirts, pants and underwear and threw them into a large duffel bag. He then slipped on his favorite sneakers, grabbed his phone charger and headed back out to his car. 

He needed to get away, even if just for a day, even if just for a week, even if just for a moment. He wasn’t thinking clearly and that was very unlike him. He, who was so used to being in control, so used to being cool, calm and collected all the time. How had he gone from that to this anxious and worried stranger that he barely recognized anymore? In the span of two months, everything in his life had turned upside down. The things he loved most - his freedom, his friendship with Tay, his independence - had all been taken away in such a short time span. He had warned Tay, when they began pushing at the boundaries of their friendship all those weeks ago, that this could only lead to trouble. Had warned him that if they did this there was no going back. At least New, of all people, should have known better. 

But that was what love did to you. It blinded you from rational thought. And New had had enough.


	8. Chapter 8

Lee Thanat readjusted his guitar strap for the 5th time as he passed a glass of water to New and sat down across from him on the sturdy couch.

“Okay so you didn’t actually have sex with this girl but you did spend the night with her?” 

“Yup.” New answered, emphasizing the “p” with a pop of his mouth and proceeding to take a large sip of water, effectively choking on it yet again for the second time today.

Lee ignored New as he flailed around bashing his chest with his fist and gasping like a fish out of water. He lightly strummed his guitar as he pondered the current situation.

New had woken him up quite early with his incessant pounding on the front door of his condo. He had groggily answered it and upon seeing the panicked look on New’s face immediately sat him down and made him lunch. New being New, he happily accepted his second meal of the day and proceeded to munch down on it for 30 minutes straight as Lee watched with a hint of amusement. Only after New had devoured every last bite had he then proceeded to tell his closest friend everything that happened last night and the following morning.

Now the two of them sat in Lee’s living room as Lee unconsciously fiddled with his guitar, something he liked to do when he was stressed or trying to focus. 

“Does Tay know?” He asked quietly as he looked up at New.

New finally regained his composure and looked at Lee with a hollow look in his eyes. “No Lee. No he doesn’t.” He sighed as he leaned back against his chair and grabbed his head with his hands.

Lee went back to strumming his guitar. “So why do you think you didn’t have sex with her?”

New thought about this for a second. In fact, this question had been bugging him ever since he left that mysterious girl’s house hours ago. Why indeed hadn’t he done what he usually did and had sex with the random person he picked up after a night of partying? She had wanted it (she made her disappointment over the wasted night very clear to New). So that meant it was New who rejected her. In his inebriated state! Was it possible that even unconsciously the idea of getting intimate with anyone other than Tay now just felt uncomfortable? Was it possible that the only person he wanted to lie next to, to allow to touch him, to touch with his own bare hands was……………Tay?

“Ffffffuuuuuuck Lee. What am I doing? What is wrong with me? WHY DID YOU ASK ME THAT QUESTION?” New cried out as he tugged at his hair in frustration.

Lee only looked on knowingly as he began to play a random tune on his guitar. New closed his eyes and slowly dropped his hands from his head, sighing as he let the tune from Lee’s guitar wash over him. He nodded his head to the rhythm and shifted his body so he was now laying down on Lee’s couch. Lee’s condo was one of the few places in the world that New truly felt comfortable in. Here, he was free to be himself and not worry about judgment from anyone. Lee accepted New the way he was. They hadn’t known each other for years and years, but when they met 2 years ago it was as if they connected on a spiritual level. Lee and New rarely talked a lot when in each other’s presence but it never got uncomfortable because both just enjoyed the company of the other. Lee was a kind person, always gentle, patient and caring. Everything New needed to calm the insanity that raged within his heart and mind nowadays.

The last thing he remembered seeing was his phone on the table lighting up with another message from Tay before exhaustion finally overtook him and he fell into a deep slumber.

*********************************************************************************************************

It had been exactly 3 days, 7 hours, 33 minutes and 18 seconds since the last time Tay had seen New. And in that time, he had managed to distract himself with every social event he could physically attend. Promotional events for work, late nights with his friends at dinners and karaoke, frequent sleepovers at literally anyone’s house, just to escape the loneliness that encompassed him every time he entered his home. To everyone around him he seemed to be his usual self, laughing and carefree, cracking jokes and being teased incessantly. 

But this was an art Tay had long ago perfected, faking happiness on the outside while on the inside thoughts of New bugged him relentlessly. And so, despite the hectic schedule he had had and the dozens of extra events he had gone to just to get his mind off of his annoying best friend, he still found himself alone in his condo at 1 am on a Saturday, scrolling through his Twitter and Instagram hoping to catch even a glimpse of New.

He didn’t know what he did to deserve this. Initially, when New hadn’t responded to his messages and phone calls that night 3 days ago, he was mad beyond belief. As the hours flew by though, he started to get worried. And when New still hadn’t gotten in touch with him the following morning he was just about to head to the police station when he got a call from their mutual friend and co-actor Lee. It was Lee who told Tay that New was fine and was going to spend a few days at his place. 

“But why?” Tay had asked, exasperated that he was getting an update from Lee and not hearing it directly from New, the one person he wanted to talk to right now. 

“I don’t know, Tay. He just showed up here. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible since I figured you’d probably be halfway through filing a missing person’s report by now.”

Tay flinched. Oops.

“I gotta go, Tay, take care. I’ll keep you posted.” And he hung up.

Then Tay was back to being infuriated. His anger within that moment was palpable. It was so unfair! What had he done for his best friend, this man that he loved so much, to suddenly shut him out like this? He didn’t deserve this! 

Work that day and the day after had been rough but he managed to get through without breaking. At night he would go out with his friends and not return until 1, 2, even 3 in the morning. Yet each time he lay on his bed he couldn’t help wondering what New was doing and if he was missing him as well. He had reached the point where he didn’t even care why New had done this, he just wanted him back. It seemed to Tay that no matter how many people he filled his life with, at this point none could compare to New. He could be with a hundred different people in one day but at the end the only one he’d want to see was New. New’s bright eyes, the small moles around his eyes, nose, and mouth, his constantly red ears, his soft hair.

Tay tossed his phone onto his bedside table and for the 4th night in a row fell asleep wondering where New was right now and whether he had anyone to sleep beside him since the nights were always his loneliest.

********************************************************************************************************

“Go. Now.” Lee said as he shoved New out his front door.

“But—but I don’t get it, what did I do? I thought the last few days have been alright? Why are you kicking me out?” New whined as he grasped the sides of the door so he wouldn’t be pushed out the condo.

“Because that’s enough moping around, New! You’ve been here for a week. A WEEK. You go to work, school, then back here and don’t interact with literally anyone unless you absolutely have to. And then you come back here and head straight to the guest room without even a hello. What are you doing, Hin?” 

“Hey, I have a busy schedule! I’m so sorry I didn’t say ‘hello’ to you that one time.” New scoffed and rolled his eyes at Lee, who in turn crossed his arms against his chest and responded firmly “New, I know what you’re doing but you can’t do this forever. A week is more than enough time for you to get your shit sorted. And I care about you and Tay way too much to let you drag this out any further.”

New glared at Lee and mumbled “what a friend you are. I see where you allegiance lies.”

“My allegiance lies with TayNew. Always.” 

New clocked Lee directly on the side of his head as he walked past him back inside the condo. He reached his room and began shoving his things into the bag he had brought with him when he ran away a week ago. He couldn’t believe he had not seen Tay in a week. Even if Lee hadn’t pushed him (quite literally) today, he had known since last night he was reaching his breaking point. The nights were the worst, if he was being honest with himself. When he just lay in bed alone with his thoughts and there was no Tay to turn to and awaken from his slumber just so he could tease him, talk to him, hug him until New finally fell asleep. And during the day when his hands would itch so badly to grab his phone and call Tay a thousand times just to tell him something trivial like how he had seen someone eating a waffle and it reminded him of their time in South Korea when they loved frequenting a local waffle shop late at night. It wasn’t that New felt better after the week apart, or that he was now ready to tell Tay what happened, but rather the physical act of being away from Tay was hurting New more than anything else.

He took Tay for granted. In fact, he was sure they both took each other for granted. New was so used to Tay being a permanent fixture by his side that he had forgotten how Tay had dragged him out of the depths of his own loneliness and shown him what true companionship and unconditional love was. And New had given Tay the one love he had never experienced before - the love of a partner, a soulmate, an equal, a better half. 

New grinned as he grabbed his bag and headed out the room. He saw Lee laying down on his couch, looking as if he had no care in the world. 

“Thanks. For everything.” He said quietly. Lee looked up at him and quirked an eyebrow. “I’m offended you want to go back without taking a picture with me to post on your Twitter. How else will you annoy Tay?”

New laughed as Lee walked up to him and the two friends embraced each other in a tight hug. New put all the emotions he couldn’t convey with words into that hug so that Lee could feel how grateful he was to have a friend like him in his life. Then they took a quick picture together and New posted it to his Twitter with the caption “THANK YOU MY TRUE FRIEND.” 

“Lee.” New said in a suddenly somber tone.

“What?” Lee responded, looking at up New, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Why are you so handsome? Your smile is the purest thing I’ve seen in years.”

Lee grinned and said “careful, your love for me is showing so openly you may want to avoid Tay for a few more days”.

New laughed as he headed out the door. Avoid Tay? Impossible. He would seek Tay out even if he was the last person on earth. 

 

A few miles away, Tay was checking his phone while eating lunch with his good friend Off when he saw New’s tweet with Lee. He rolled his eyes and scoffed as he shoved the phone in Off’s face. 

“Look at this punk! He’s always so shameless! He resurfaces after a whole week of being m.i.a. and this is what he posts? What kind of a cruel man does this? Hin is truly Hin. Unbelievable. What am I supposed to do with this guy?” Tay trailed off as he immediately got up from his unfinished lunch to draft a clever and snappy response to New’s tweet. Meanwhile, Off stared at the retreating form of his longtime friend, a knowing smile on his face as he shook his head and grabbed Tay’s food.

************************************************************************************************************

As New drove to Tay’s condo he still felt the anxiety, nerves, and hesitation he had felt a week ago on that fateful morning. But this time there was one more emotion that he felt, an emotion that overpowered all others - excitement. Excitement for the one thing that truly made him feel alive - being around Tay. It was the same excitement that he had first felt the night of the big Y I Love You concert all those months ago, where he and Tay stood on stage in front of thousands of people enacting a song and dance that felt so real both could see it in the other’s eyes. There, in front of all those people, they were somehow able to tune everyone out and focus on each other, so overwhelmed by the music, the lyrics and each other’s presence that that they didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or both.

After the performance they had ridden back to their shared hotel room and that was when the night truly took a weird turn. New smiled as he remembered their very first kiss that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taynew's first kiss (in my mind) coming up next. im so excited and i don't even know how it's gonna go yet.


	9. Chapter 9

 

_Tay and New lay in bed that night still riding the high from the concert they had just put on._

_“Hin.” Tay turned to New and saw his face lit up from the stark light coming through the window. Was it him or did New seem cuter than he usually did?_

_Wait. Did Tay just admit to himself he found New cute?_  

 _“Tay. What is it?” New asked groggily, clearly about to fall asleep._  

_Tay shook his head to clear his thoughts and said “can you believe we just did that? I mean……there were SO many people and we just stood there and performed all those songs and did all those dances and—“_

_“Tay, I know. I was kinda there too.” New replied as he turned over to face him, the corners of his mouth perking up into one of his usual smirks that always secretly made Tay smile._

_Wait. Since when did Tay like New’s annoying smirks?_

_“I knowww, I’m just saying. Look how far we’ve come, Hin.”_

_New smiled and pulled the covers up over his shoulders. “Of course. I’m so happy we got to do it together. Being on that stage with you made it so much more special.”_

_Tay’s eyes widened as he looked at New’s half lidded eyes, clearly about to succumb to sleep. But Tay couldn’t just let him go to sleep now, not after what he just said and not after how they performed in front of thousands of people and felt the electricity that sizzled between them. No way._

_“You really mean that?” He asked quietly._

_“Hmmmmm?” New hummed, now pouting because Tay was clearly not going to let him sleep any time soon._

_Tay observed the curve of New’s mouth. It somehow looked more prominent in this lighting, contrasted in the pitch darkness by the dim light from the window. He didn’t know why he was just suddenly realizing how he knew every single detail of New’s mouth but he did. He stared at it often whenever New talked or laughed or smiled._

_On impulse he reached over and brushed his fingers across New’s lips. If he was being honest with himself, he’d always wanted to do it. New’s mouth was just so attractive. He had these plump lips and was always pulling some weird face that somehow made him look more adorable. And Tay really just wanted to know if New’s lips were as soft as they looked. He knew he had kissed them before when they were filming for their shows, but this time he wanted to touch his lips without the eyes of dozens of people around them filming their every move. Without the pretense of a script or a director. He just really wanted to feel those lips._

_His fingers grazed them lightly and he felt like he was finally in heaven. They were every bit as soft as he had imagined them to be._

_New’s eyes flew open and he stared at Tay but surprisingly didn’t say anything._

_Tay stared back and slowly started to push down with his fingers, relishing in the feel of how plump the lips were. He could hear New’s breathing begin to quicken ever so slightly and saw his eyes wince. He pushed his thumb down harder on New’s bottom lip until it separated a little from his top one, leaving his mouth slightly open. He grudgingly took his gaze off of those lips and looked into New’s eyes, asking the question with unspoken words._

_New’s brows furrowed as if he were lost in deep thought. “This is not going to end well.” He said hesitantly._

_Tay stared at New’s mouth. “There’s really only one way to find out.”_  

_He moved closer to New and removed his hand from New’s mouth to cup his cheek. New made to move his head away but then Tay started stroking his cheek gently and for some strange reason, that night New found this small act extremely comforting. He had just poured his heart and soul on stage in front of thousands of people and he didn’t even know how desperately he needed the comforting touch of someone beside him until this moment. Instead of moving away he involuntarily leaned into Tay’s hand._

_Tay’s eyes widened a little in surprise._

_New inched closer to Tay until their mouths were less than an inch apart._

_“Just remember I warned you first.” He said as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Tay’s hesitantly. He rested them there briefly then pulled back._

_“There.”_

_Tay blinked and stared at New. “Hin.”_

_“What?”_

_Tay moved forward and kissed New gently. Despite the fact that he had never been in a relationship before, he had kissed New enough times during the filming of their shared tv show to know exactly the right spots to hit on New’s mouth. And truthfully, deep down inside Tay knew that there were at least two or three takes he absolutely messed up on purpose just so he could kiss New again during filming._

_He broke the kiss briefly, only to smile at New as he kissed him again but this time harder. New groaned as he didn’t know whether to shove him away or pull him closer. There were two emotions engulfing New - one, the need to stop this before it got too far and two, the need to never let this stop at all._

_Tay gently grasped New’s mouth with his thumb and forefinger and squeezed in a hint to open. And surprisingly, New did._

_Tay took the chance to slip his tongue into New’s mouth and experience the taste he had been craving ever since their first kiss for their very first show together. At that time, they had been awkward and fumbled through it by brief pecks on the mouth. But each time he had been left with the growing desire to want to delve further into this mouth and see what it tasted like. He couldn’t believe he was getting that chance now and couldn’t believe how much he was fucking enjoying it._

_New abruptly broke the kiss and turned to lay on his back, panting._

_“Well. We did it. We tried it. Time to go to sleep.” He said quickly as he shut his eyes and pretended to sleep._

_Tay grinned as he slid closer to New and lifted up to place his elbow on his pillow, resting his head in his hand as he glanced down at New._

_“Why have we never tried that before?” He asked._

_New sighed and opened one eye to glare at him. “I thought you weren’t a fan of kissing?”_

_“Well, yeah. But with you…….I don’t know, Hin. With you it’s always so different.”_  

_New snickered. “How would you know? You’ve only ever kissed me.”_

_“Well it sucked every single time until now!” Tay muttered as he shoved him._

_New gasped dramatically. “Really? I’m hurt.”_

_Tay rolled his eyes but refused to respond. He knew what New was doing. He was purposely cracking jokes and turning what should have been a serious moment into a lighter one as a means to run away from the situation. This time Tay wasn’t going to fall for it._

_When New finally realized Tay was not going to engage with his jokes, he sighed and looked up at him. “You know the songs we sang tonight with each other — to each other? Did you mean all those words?” He asked quietly, then added, after a brief pause, “too?”_

_Tay looked him directly in the eyes. “Yes."_  

_New’s gaze went from Tay’s eyes to his mouth and lingered there. Neither one of them said a word but in that moment both knew something changed. Perhaps it was the lyrics of the songs that they were forced to sing to one another, perhaps it was the emotions that naturally came about as a result of the music and the singing, perhaps it was the atmosphere created by the adoring fans, perhaps it was the fact that they had been surrounded by so much love and support, perhaps it was the visions of all their shared memories flashing before them as they sang their hearts out. Neither one of them really knew why things felt different that night but they just did. And this was a fact that they could not run away from._

_New leaned forward to kiss Tay again, but this time he pushed himself forward so that he straddled him. He kissed Tay gently, the complete opposite of the desperate kiss the two had shared just a few second ago. He slowly released Tay’s lips then smiled, making his way down to his Adam’s apple and kissing it briefly before moving down to kiss between his shoulder blades._

_Tay groaned and reached a hand up to stroke New’s hair, tugging slightly to get his attention. New looked up and that was when Tay leaned forward to capture his lips and pin him down underneath him. This time Tay kissed him slowly, relishing every movement, every taste, memorizing all the many ways New’s body reacted to HIS kiss, as if he had been waiting his whole life for this one moment. He ran his hands through New’s hair and New put his hands around Tay’s waist and squeezed slightly._

_They spent a majority of the rest of that night making out until New, naturally, fell asleep. Tay traced the outline of New’s now extremely plump, red and wet lips with his fingers for the umpteenth time that night. He smiled as he closed his eyes and wondered what tomorrow would bring._

_***************************************************************************************************************_

Visions of the memories from that night swam in New’s mind as he parked his car and walked to Tay’s condo. He remembered after that first make out session they snuck in more sessions whenever they could. When he or Tay would find brief reprieves from their busy filming schedules, they’d meet and spend the night at the other’s condo and fool around some more. Those were some of New’s favorite times, when it was just he and Tay, encompassed in their own little world, not needing to find labels or words to describe what they had but relishing in the newness of this strange relationship they suddenly found themselves in. 

With time things simultaneously got easier and more difficult. As the relationship deepened, the usual arguments and strains began to chip away at their perfect little bubble. Tay got increasingly busier with his work but also wanted to spend more time with New so that they could continue to work on their relationship, while New found himself growing weary of where the relationship was headed, his overly cautious nature eventually creating unnecessary doubt and raising alarm bells inside his head.

Looking back on it now, New realized his running away was just the end result of all that wear and tear their relationship had taken since it started not that long ago. And since this was unfamiliar territory for both of them, they didn’t know how to deal with it. Tay, of course, would laugh it off and pretend as if everything was fine and would eventually resolve itself, and New would stress and worry until he finally broke and did something reckless. This time he was just glad he didn’t take it too far and had a friend like Lee he could rely on when he really needed that support.

New reached the front door of Tay’s condo and dug into his bag for the spare key Tay had given him all those months ago. He unlocked the door and stepped in, closing it quietly behind him and walking in to drop his bag on the table in the living room. Tay was nowhere to be found, so he took the time to raid the fridge and grab a snack. As he dug through the contents of the fridge he heard a door close somewhere in one of the bedrooms and froze.

Tay was home?

He closed the fridge and turned around as he heard footsteps coming closer. Eventually Tay’s tall and lean figure walked out of his bedroom hurriedly, strapping his watch carelessly onto his wrist as he shoved his iPad into his bag and leaned down to tie his sneakers. New could watch this sight all day and never get tired. Watching Tay get lost in his own thoughts, or get excited and talk a mile a minute, or get frustrated and roll his eyes and yell at New, or run late for something and scramble around to grab whatever he could as he made a hurried exit. Everything about Tay truly brought joy to New and he didn’t know how he thought he could ever run away from this.

“Running late again?” New asked as stood in front of Tay with his hands in his pockets.

Tay’s fingers froze as he held his laces, slowly moving his head up to look at New. His mouth fell open and he raised himself to his full height (less than an inch taller than New although New preferred to believe they were the same height) and pursed his lips in a thin line. 

New nervously rand a hand through his hair and cupped the back of his neck. “I thought you’d be out having lunch?”

Tay blinked. “Nice to see you do at least some thinking.” 

New winced. “I — I just thought y’know, you had a busy schedule so you’d be on set and would’ve headed out to grab a —“

“Shut up New, just shut up. Where have you BEEN?” Tay said, his voice getting progressively louder. “You disappear all of a sudden and don’t even respond to my messages and calls! Do you think this is funny? Was this some sick joke to you?”

“What? No, I —“

“CAUSE IT WASN’T FUNNY! It wasn’t funny when I thought you’d been hurt or kidnapped or murdered. It wasn’t funny when I thought I HAD DONE SOMETHING WRONG. It wasn’t funny when I thought I had said something to hurt you. It wasn’t funny when I thought you’d never come back to ME.” Tay exclaimed, his chest now heaving up and down as he looked at New with anger and frustration.

New felt himself breaking, wanting to reach over and hug Tay but knew that they needed to do this, needed to argue, to lash out, to find catharsis like they always did.

“I know, Tay.” He said gently. “I know, and I………..I’m sorry.” He took a step forward but Tay put his hand up to stop him. 

“I’m getting late. I just came back to grab my stuff since I was in the area eating out with Off. I have a night shoot so don’t wait up. That is, if you’re planning on sticking around this time.” He said coldly as he turned to leave.

New stepped forward and hugged him from the back. Tay sighed and tried weakly to pull out of his grasp but New could tell he wasn’t trying with all his strength. He hugged him tighter, resting the side of his face against the back of Tay’s shoulder, closing his eyes and taking in his scent.

“I’ll be here. You know somehow I always find my way back to you. I’ll make it up to you even if it takes forever.” He said quietly.

“Good.” Tay said as he finally pulled out of New’s grasp. “It’s a start.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know, i know, i too really wanted to write more from the night of the concert BUT i wanted to keep this as semi-realistic as possible (even if it is all fiction......probably?)


	10. Chapter 10

New stared at the clock on the wall as it slowly ticked towards 10 pm. Tay had said he’d be home an hour ago but that had obviously been a lie. And New was exhausted from the day he had had. 

Once Tay left the condo abruptly upon New’s return earlier that day, New had only half an hour to shower, eat, and get dressed in order to make it in time for his full day of shooting. He had just gotten home around 8 PM and confirmed with Tay that he would also be reaching home soon. It had been an hour and a half since that conversation and still no sign of Tay. Meanwhile, New had ordered in a spontaneous dinner from one of Tay’s favorite restaurants. The meal consisted of some of Tay’s favorite savory dishes and absolutely nothing New enjoyed. 

He figured this should be a good start towards getting back to Tay’s good graces. That is, if Tay ever bothered to show up tonight.

New sighed as checked his phone for the umpteenth time to see if maybe there was a missed call or text that he just hadn’t seen five minutes ago when he last checked his phone. 

No such luck.

He knew he had no right to feel angry or even annoyed. He imagined how upset Tay must’ve been last week when New hadn’t shown up at all that night and had instead spent the night with a stranger.

New flinched involuntarily. He had planned to tell Tay about that night tonight, while he was chowing down on his favorite dishes. Just the mere thought of that conversation was enough to set New’s heart racing. Given how Tay had all but stormed out earlier in the day, it was safe to say there was no telling how Tay would react to New spending a whole night with some random girl. New very rarely hesitated from arguing with Tay as it was something they did so frequently it was rare for a week to go by without them having argued about something. Arguing was like sustenance for Tay and New - they absolutely needed it to survive. But this time felt different. It felt like they were teetering on the edge of one or more extremes and both of them were about to snap at any moment.

“Fuck.” New sighed as he put his head in his hands. He knew he should never have kissed Tay the night of the Y I Love You concert. He should’ve stopped this before it even began, nipped it in the bud so hard it would never pop up again. What had possessed him to go ahead with the kiss? What made him think this was a good idea? The two of them had known for quite some time even before the concert that their relationship had deepened and they were really testing the limitations of the word “friendship”, but if they just hadn’t kissed that night maybe they’d still be floating around within those boundaries. At least they wouldn’t be here, in a spot where they’d literally shoved through the boundaries, a result of holding back so tightly for so long. Now it felt like they needed to take steps backward to get things back on track, since they’d pushed forward way too fast.

New lifted his head slowly, pondering this idea. Maybe slowing down the pace was the right thing to do after all.

**********************************************************************************************

Tay sat with his group of friends in the restaurant they had rushed off to right after filming. He knew New was probably waiting for him and probably even brought home Tay’s favorite food so that he could soften him up before he inevitably began his apologies. But Tay just didn’t care for that right now. He couldn’t believe New had the nerve to just barge in after a week of no contact with him and act as if everything was okay. Granted, he had apologized, but did he really expect Tay to forgive him that easily?

And what even happened that night, anyway? Why did New never make it home?

“Tay!” Lee’s voice pulled Tay back out of his thoughts. “How’s New? Have you seen him yet? He said he was heading straight home to you.”

“I saw him.” Tay replied tersely.

Lee smiled gently. “And?” He leaned in, asking quietly to ensure they had privacy. “Is everything all squared off between you two?” 

Tay put down his spoon and glared at Lee. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lee.” He replied tersely before grabbing his phone to check the time. He sighed in frustration when he saw it was already 11 PM. 

“I have to go.” He said loudly, and all heads at the table turned to him.

“Now? But it’s still kinda early for you! Why don’t you stay a bit longer and I can take you home?” Off said.

“No, I’ll grab a lift. I need to get home.” He looked at Lee and Lee immediately understood what Tay was saying. He knew New was probably waiting at home for Tay, and Tay knew he couldn’t avoid this any longer.

“Let me take you home, Tay.” Lee said, getting up from the table and grabbing his keys. “I need to head out too, anyway. Got an early schedule tomorrow.” He turned to look at the rest of the table as he bid his farewells, then headed out the front door of the restaurant with Tay.

“Tay,” Lee said as he backed out of the restaurant driveway and hit the main road, “do you know how lucky you are to have someone like New in your life?”

“Oh God Lee, I knew you’d try to do something like this! I know, fuck’s sake, I know.” Tay muttered.

Lee continued, unperturbed by Tay’s less than thrilled response. “Sometimes I don’t even want to go on dates because I know how……..odd I can be, and it feels like it’s not even worth it because no one will ever really understand me, you know?” He sighed as he made a swift left turn on a particularly busy intersection. Tay listened quietly, sitting up straighter now and staring at the busy road ahead, the lights flashing by him as his mind suddenly whirred faster and faster with random memories of the last six years of his friendship with New.

“To me, it feels like most people walk this life alone, for the most part. And then we just settle down with someone that we assume is adequate, at best. They’ll fall just short of fulfilling that gaping void in our busy lives, but we’ll adjust accordingly and somehow get through the rest of our life with that one person.” Lee continued, the ghost of a smile on his handsome face now. “We’ll live our average lives with our average partners and have average love.” 

“Lee—“ Tay began.

“But,” Lee pressed on as he sped up just a little and rolled down the windows so the cool summer breeze fanned their faces, “you have the chance, the lucky privilege, of finding true companionship. You found an equal. You found a partner. You found someone who puts your heart at ease, who heals your soul, who makes you believe that this love, this powerful, sappy, disgustingly pure love, exists.” 

They had reached a slightly less busy road so Lee stuck his hand out the driver’s side window and felt the cool air whip through his fingers, raising the small hairs on his arm. 

“You’re lucky. You and New. You don’t even know how lucky you are.” He whispered, eyes glazing over. Tay could tell he was clearly thinking about something in his own personal life.

“Lee? Hey,” he reached over to nudge his shoulder gently and Lee shook his head a bit as he glanced at Tay in surprise.

“Sorry, I kinda got distracted there, haha.” He said lightly, smiling at Tay as he pulled his hand back into the car and rolled up the windows again.

“Lee. Are you high?” Tay asked bluntly.

“What? No! No? No! I’m not. Not tonight, anyway.” 

“Okay……you were just acting so weird!” 

Lee laughed. “Weirder than usual?”

“Yes. That’s why I got worried!” Tay responded.

Lee shrugged. “It happens. I like to think of it as my quirky charm.” He grinned.

Tay snorted and looked out his window. Of course stupid annoying Lee had a point. When he really thought about it, at this point he couldn’t live without New and, while this thought should terrify him, it somehow made him more excited. If he could spend the rest of his days waking up to New, teasing New, flirting with New, arguing with New, watching him mature, and watching him succeed, he would consider it an absolutely fulfilling life.

“He’s just so fucking frustrating.” Tay sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“Just the fact that he still gets this reaction out of you should tell you everything you need to know.” Lee said with finality as he pulled up to the parking lot outside Tay’s building.

“He was gone for a fucking WEEK, Lee. He literally ran off on me then had the balls to come back out of nowhere expecting me to forgive him!”

“I’m not making excuses for him. I’m saying both of you need to figure your shit out. Enough’s enough. He’s done his moping and his running away,” Lee said as he pushed the button to unlock the doors, “but he came back on his own, eventually. He. Always. Does. Now it’s up to you to figure out what to do next.” 

Tay glared at him. “Get off your fucking high horse, man. It doesn’t suit you.”

Lee blew Tay a kiss then nodded toward’s his door. “Get out.”

“Gladly.” Tay pushed open the door a little too aggressively and slammed it as he ran into the building without glancing back. 

“What an arrogant prick.” He muttered, smiling to himself.

*****************************************************************************************************

Tay unlocked his front door and stepped into his condo quietly. He turned on the lights and saw New sleeping on the couch in the living room.

He smiled in spite of himself and walked over, bending down to peer at New’s sleeping face. New always did say that he looked the cutest when he was asleep and unfortunately for Tay, he was right. Even now, his puffy and soft lips jutted out in a small “O” and his hair, although flying in all directions, still managed to look stylish as it covered his forehead and came down to his eyes. An entire week Tay had been deprived of this face and this body, of coming home to this sight everyday. An entire week he had been deprived of New’s existence, his voice, his hotheadedness, his temper. He couldn’t believe he was seeing it again, on his own couch, in his own condo.

He was so fucking whipped.

He shook his head as he stood back up and walked to the kitchen. He saw his favorite dishes sprawled on the table, along with some plates and silverware. Apparently New had indeed ordered in his favorite foods.

His smile widened as he shook his head and looked back at New’s sleeping form. Suddenly New shuddered and his eyes flew open, his mouth now pouting as his small hands reached up to rub his eyes. He sighed and sat up slowly on the couch, looking around and stretching, his shirt riding up ever so slightly so that Tay could catch a sliver of his perfect torso. God, he hadn’t seen that torso in so long. He sighed, forgetting for a moment that New was now very much awake and could hear him.

New’s head whipped around to where Tay was sitting and his eyes widened comically.

“Tay Tay!” He leapt up from the couch and walked over to Tay. “When did you get back?” 

Tay dropped his smile from his face and pretended to stare at the food on the table. “Just a few minutes ago.” He said curtly. 

“Oh, great! Let’s eat together.” 

“Wait. You haven’t eaten yet?” Tay asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked at New.

“No, I wanted to wait for you so we could eat together.” New said nonchalantly as he sat down and started shoveling food onto his plate.

Tay gaped at New as he watched him devour his food. He had waited to eat with him? New never really practiced self-restraint when it came to food, that’s why just the mere idea he had resisted all this food and instead chose to wait until Tay had gotten back completely caught Tay off guard. And he had made him wait longer by purposely dragging his feet at the restaurant. The restaurant where he had already eaten dinner. 

“Urrr…………”

New looked up at Tay and immediately noticed something was off. “Wait………did you already eat?” 

“About that……” Tay responded, not sure how to break it to New.

New’s eyes widened for a second before he shrugged and said “no worries. Let’s get dessert! I think I saw some mango ice cream in the fridge!”

He got up to head to the fridge and that was when Tay snapped. This whole scene was insane. What were they doing? There wasn’t just an elephant in the room there was a whole damned circus and Tay had to put a stop to it.

“Hin.” He said abruptly.

New stopped in his tracks and turned to face him. “Hmmm?”

“What happened that night?” Tay asked as he slowly walked over to the couch in the living room and took a seat, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward.

The color drained from New’s face and his smile wavered for a second.

“Well. At least you’re sitting down for this.” He said weakly as he walked over and took a seat across Tay.

He looked up at Tay and scrunched his eyebrows, frowning as if the words he was about to say caused him great displeasure.

“I……….I think I got a little too wasted and…………….accidentally…………….went home.”

Tay raised an eyebrow. “Home. You clearly did not go home. You never came back to me.” 

New flinched and sighed. “Well……………no, I didn’t go to this home. I went home with a random girl.”

Tay’s eyes widened and he leaned back suddenly, his mouth opening and closing as he tilted his head trying to process this information.

New pressed on. “I can’t remember the details of the night but I do remember getting drunk and hitting on her. I now vaguely remember getting in a cab with her. And she said we fooled around a bit but we never did anything! I just………..I don’t know, I think I—“

“Why didn’t you just come home afterwards and tell me?” Tay asked quietly, staring at New with a blank look.

“I don’t know, I panicked! I just freaked out, I—“ 

“Fuck’s sake New this happens ALL THE TIME with you!” Tay stood up and started pacing the room, as he usually did when he got emotional. “I don’t understand. What’s wrong? What are you afraid of?” He walked up to New and touched his shoulders gently. “Talk to me Hin, please. I need to know what you were thinking.” Tay knew that there was always a reason behind why New did something that seemed out of character for him. He knew if he shouted and lashed out right now New would close up and never open himself up to Tay again. He had to be patient if he wanted to help him, and God knows the last six years of being New’s best friend had left him with the patience of a saint.

New looked at Tay’s face, which was filled with the unconditional love and support he always saw every time he looked at his best friend. It broke him, to know that despite all of this, Tay was still willing to listen to him. No one ever listened to him. No one ever truly tried to get to the bottom of why he acted the way he did. Only Tay did that. 

It was only ever Tay.

“I’m only going to hurt you, Tay.” New’s voice cracked as he said Tay’s name and the sound shook Tay to his core. New started blinking faster, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to start. Tay saw his eyes beginning to sparkle with fresh tears every time he tried to blink them away.

“Do you think I enjoy being away from you? Running away and looking like a coward every single time? But I do it because I need to ground us. This……..us……….it’s not easy, Tay. You’d be a fool to think we can go down this path and not suffer in the long run.” He whispered.

Tay took a deep breath and smiled. “I know. I just—“

“Do you, Tay? Because I don’t think you do. If you stand by me, you’ll fall.”

“I’ll fall either way.” Tay said softly as he reached up to touch New’s cheek. New shoved him away but Tay tried again, and kept trying until finally New gave up and let Tay wipe the tears that were now free falling. “Hin, there’s not a single reality I could picture that doesn’t involve you with me. So whether I fall or not, I’m not doing it without you.”

“Why?”

Tay laughed and pulled New into a tight hug, wrapping his arms tight around his shoulders as if protecting him from the demons that constantly threatened him. “God New, you act like you understand love but you really don’t. I love everything about you. I accept everything about you and I definitely accept whatever future I have as long as it’s with you.”

New mumbled something but his face was nuzzled into Tay’s chest so he couldn’t quite hear it. He loosened his grip on New and New pulled away a fraction of an inch to pull his face up directly in front of Tay’s. “What about the girl that I slept with?” He mumbled.

Tay’s smile vanished and he rolled his eyes. “You said it yourself, nothing happened. And we never truly defined what we were, so I guess there’s that too. I mean obviously I’m not happy about it. Actually I was pretty mad for a while.” He laughed. “But I also know how fast we were moving, Hin. So in a way I get why you freaked out. Or at least I’m trying to. And me snapping at you every few days wasn’t helping.”

New stared at Tay. “Why are you being so nice?”

“Because I’m tired of the bullshit, New. You’re so important to me. So if we need to slow it down and take our time with this, we’ll do that. We’ll do what makes you comfortable. But you just have to promise me you’ll talk to me. That’s all I ask.” Tay gripped New’s shoulders firmly as his hands slid up to grasp the spot between New’s neck and shoulders, and he squeezed lightly as he looked New directly in the eyes. “You get one more chance, Hin. Everyone makes mistakes, and I’ll support you as you grow from yours.” 

His eyes turned steely. “But you only get one. We take it slow, and you promise to open up, and we can do this however you want. But you have to do it with me.”

New’s eyes widened. He had never seen Tay so serious, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little turned on right now. He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Tay’s.

Tay’s eyes softened again as he looked at New’s shocked expression. He had never been this firm or direct with him in their six year long friendship, but he had to get the message across to him somehow. Tay valued his relationship with New far too much to put it in jeopardy over New’s reckless antics. He had always known how New was. He knew his nature. He brought this on himself, in a way. New had never hidden how he was, even in his past relationships. Even the night they both first kissed, New had warned him that this was not going to end well for them.

But Tay wasn’t planning on letting it end at all. Not without a fight, anyway.

New shook his head as he pulled out of Tay’s arms. “Unbelievable.” He said incredulously. 

Tay’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at New in confusion. “What?”

“God, you act like you’re so perfect! You fucking forgave me for sleeping with another person? Yeah I know I didn’t fuck her but that doesn’t mean what I did was right? And you…….you just forgave me?” New said, exasperated that yet again Tay had managed to turn something that should’ve been a big deal into a small matter. New had wanted them to argue, to yell, to shout, to scream. He wanted it because he deserved it. He wanted it because it would be the release they both needed. But Tay wasn’t giving it to him. And New was getting more and more agitated by the minute.

“You’re never vulnerable, Tay! It’s like one moment you ignore me for days and days and then the next time I’m around you you make me feel like I’m the most important person in your life! I never know which Tay I’ll be seeing each day and it drives me crazy! Do you eve—” 

“I’m scared.” Tay said quietly.

New opened his mouth then closed it, speechless at the sudden and rare moment of vulnerability Tay was showing.

“I don’t know if you’ll leave me forever when you get some amazing project or break up with me when you meet someone more beautiful, stylish, cool, hip than me.” Tay said quietly, looking lost in thought as he stared at some point over New’s shoulder, never directly making eye contact.

New was stunned. He had expected Tay to lash out, yell, stomp his feet, even pout and storm off. But he had never expected this Tay. This was the Tay he had been wanting to see for so long. This open, honest, vulnerable, emotional Tay. This Tay was breaking New’s heart into tiny pieces and putting it back together only to break it again with each word he spoke. And God knows New needed that right now. He needed to feel because for far too long he kept suppressing his emotions and he knew that the one person who could and would always break him would be Tay. 

“You can give love to as many people as you want Tay, but in the end everyone deserves to be loved back.” He placed a hand gently on Tay’s cheek. “Even you. Especially you.”

Tay finally met New’s gaze as he reached up to place his hand over New’s. “Then show me, Hin.” He said firmly.

New smiled. “Gladly.” He leaned forward and hovered his lips directly over Tay’s. “I’m sorry, Tay. For the last week, and for all the bullshit you’ll have to put up with in the future. I’m so so sorry.” He kissed him softly then, breaking every so often just to repeatedly land his lips on Tay’s, over and over and over again. Tay finally bit New’s bottom lip to stop him from breaking and New gasped as he pulled away in shock.

“What the hell was that for?”

Tay shrugged. “So many things, really, if you think about it.” He said lightly.

New rolled his eyes as Tay walked towards him to pull at the bottom of his shirt.

“Waiiiiiiit—“ New began as he slapped Tay’s hands away.

“Whyyyy?” Tay whined.

“You just agreed we could go slow!”

Tay smacked his lips and rolled his eyes. Fuck. He had indeed just said that.

“Okay, so what are the boundaries then?” He asked impatiently.

New smirked as he walked towards Tay and put his arms around his neck, leaning on his body. “This,” he kissed Tay harder this time, letting his tongue flick out every so often only to take it back teasingly. “And this,” he reached down to run his hands up and down Tay’s torso at an agonizingly slow pace. “But not this,” he moved his hand down to cup Tay’s crotch and Tay groaned in frustration.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He glared at New.

“Nope. We keep fooling around and using this,” he lightly squeezed Tay’s dick and he winced in frustration, ”but we don’t focus on each other. I want more of that, please.” New batted his eyes at Tay and pouted even as he still refused to let go of his crotch.

Tay swiped his hand away and grabbed his neck to bring him in for a rough and desperate kiss. He immediately thrust his tongue into New’s mouth and heard New sigh contentedly, their mouths melding into one another as they held on as if they never wanted to let go again.

He began leading them towards the couch behind New, never breaking from the kiss even as New fell backwards on the couch and Tay landed on top of him, straddling him and squeezing his legs tight as if the harder he squeezed the more he could keep New here with him forever. He ran his hands through New’s soft hair, tugging ever so lightly only to hear New’s small whines. He groaned as the sound went all the way to his dick, making him hard. He ground his dick into New’s crotch and New gasped in surprise, his hands coming up around Tay’s waist and squeezing tightly as he unconsciously lifted his hips up to meet Tay’s thrusts. Tay finally broke the kiss to begin lifting New’s shirt up. New grabbed his wrist but Tay looked down at him and said calmly “relax, I promise we’ll do it your way”. This seemed to ease New as he let go of Tay’s wrist and Tay was finally able to get New’s shirt off.

He hummed appreciatively as he got to see the chest he loved so much, already turning red just from his kiss alone. He ran his hands up and down slowly, watching as New closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his body practically humming in anticipation.

Tay snickered. New could pretend all he wanted to, he knew deep down inside the little shit enjoyed this just as much as he did.

He leaned down to kiss New softly, then moved to kiss his chin, his jaw, and the center of his chest. 

“Tay?” New said quietly.

Tay landed one more kiss on New’s chest as he frowned and looked up at New. “What?” He said, annoyed at New for distracting him from the important work he was doing.

“Serious question.”

“What.” 

“What do you think about a threesome with Lee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry.
> 
> questions, comments, rants, want more? --> twitter: @confusedpolca


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